The Washer loves to help! It requires very little from it's family in the way of attention yet it is frequently asked to perform it's function without any thought whatsoever to the delicate ratio of Juice, Water and Clothing necessary to do a good job - and then The Washer is frequently and sometimes even harshly criticized for poor performance. Sadly The Washer receives praise most often when it's family exchanges it for pieces of paper and a few round pieces of metal and rarely gets praise to it's face...
I have recently acquired a new appreciation for my own Washer, as my previous Washer - a friend of more than 11 years - passed away quite suddenly at the beginning of September. Making friends with a new Washer required some time and a bit of patience but I think have discovered a secret that is worth sharing and will help you in your relationship with your Washer as well!
Washers are attached to their homes by magical, mysterious means (sometimes called plumbing) which allows them to take full advantage of their standing prescription to Take Water By Hose As Needed. Every Washer has it's own Buttons that need pushing, which is why time and patience are so important when meeting a new Washer - you need to know the right Buttons to push and which Buttons to avoid! After many years of tireless research and finally befriending this speechless species the basics of The Proper Care and Feeding of a Washer have begun to emerge with astonishing clarity. Following these few, easy steps will allow your Washer to help you to it's heart's content, causing you to fall deeper in love with it every day:
1. DIRTY CLOTHING. Fill The Washer's empty cavity with dirty clothing. I know it sounds mean and rude to consistently give such a faithful family member the worst and the nastiest of your personal fabrics but trust me - your Washer LIVES for this! One Very Important Note, However: If your Washer opens at the top don't push too hard and pack the clothing into the washer, just hold each piece at the top and simply let it drop to the bottom of the washer. Using this whimsical and vaguely romantic method of filling the washer be sure and STOP when the clothing reaches the top of the washing cylinder. If your Washer opens on the side use the same method to insert the dirty clothing into The Washer's cavity but you will need to have a good heart-to-heart talk with your Washer before you will know at what point to stop the romance and close the door. For either Front-Loading or Top-Loading Washers once the dirty clothing has been placed you may now Push The Washer's Button(s) and allow it to access it's limitless water source and fill the washing chamber to the top. The Good Washers will stop the water when it reaches the top of the chamber. The Bad Washers, however will require the aid of your local Washer Counselor, (sometimes known as a Plumber), to help them reclaim their self-discipline, entitling them once more to the "Good Washer" designation and a closer level of friendship with the rest of the family.
2. JUICE. It's a very well-kept secret, only few people know how completely addicted Washers really are to Juice... the trick is to know what Juice is best for not only your Washer but also for your dirty clothing as well. So far my Washer likes Blue Juice that I get at my local Box Store. Juice comes in many different colors and flavors but I'm going to try a new, homemade Juice recipe that I found online recently... I'll let you know what my Washer thinks of it after a while. The procedure for feeding Juice to your Washer is very simple, you just use whatever measuring cup comes with your Juice, FIND THE LINE FIRST and then fill it up with Juice - BUT DO NOT GO PAST THE LINE! Alas, more is not better... Less, however, won't do you much good either. Juice has a secret, it is a second cousin to Goldilocks because the proportions have to be "just right". 
3. SOFT JUICE. Did you know that Juice has a friend? Soft Juice is completely different than a Soft Drink and is an important companion to Juice but due to the delicate digestion system of The Washer, Soft Juice needs to enter the The Washer's dietary regime at just the right time or the Soft Juice will be wasted. Some newer Washers have a Soft Juice container built into them but my Washer is older and requires something completely different. A hollow, plastic ball roughly the size of a softball is necessary to hold the Soft Juice while a fiendishly clever weighted lid keeps the Soft Juice separate from the water and regular Juice until the regular Juice has been rinsed out of The Washer's system. The Soft Juice container usually has marks on it to indicate how much dirty laundry is in The Washer and when it comes to Soft Juice sometimes more IS better, it just depends on how you like your clothes to smell after they are cleaned. However, using more Soft Juice is not cost-effective so once again using the Goldilocks Principle we try not to overload The Washer with too much Soft Juice. Once the Soft Juice has been loaded into the special ball, the plug pulled to keep it safe until it's OK for the Soft Juice to come out all you have to do is set it in the cavity of The Washer, shut the lid and walk away. 
And that's it, you're done! The Washer has been Properly Fed!
Please try to be nice to your Washer on a regular basis, they are over-used and under-appreciated in nearly every American household and it's a sad, sad world we live in when we only tell something how much we loved it after it has died. We should live every day like we are dying and tell everyone around us how much we love and appreciate them all the time!
Tune in next week when we explore the realities of The Dryer and Lint!
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